


Me, a local homosexual

by fullmetalbi



Series: Of fans, pools and lighters (Avatar Modern AU) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), F/M, Gay Panic, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Getting Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, Polyamory, Suki is a queen, Zuko (Avatar) is Bad at Feelings, and so is sokka, but this is zuko's fic so we'll talk about that later, discussions about biphobia, pinning, that's the whole thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalbi/pseuds/fullmetalbi
Summary: Zuko was fucked. Incredibly fucked. Royally fucked. Indescribably fucked. And nobody seemed to care.Of course, why would them? Yeah, he had asked Aang to talk with him, since Uncle had suggested to speak with someone his age. And, yeah, he said he didn’t mind meeting in Katara’s house. Of course. He basically lived with her, and he didn’t want to be any bother. And it was summer, and there was a swimming pool in the building, so Aang suggested going to swim there. “It’s gonna be empty, nobody but us uses it”. He had lent him a swimsuit and off they went. Of course.Except for the little detail his mind had forgotten about, that Katara, Aang’s girlfriend, was also Sokka’s sister. And Sokka had access to the pool. And now he was trying to explain his sexuality to Aang, while shirtless Sokka was playing around with his girlfriend.
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), past Mai/Zuko (Avatar) - Relationship
Series: Of fans, pools and lighters (Avatar Modern AU) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798402
Comments: 8
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The only reason for this fic to exist is how awkward Zuko and Mai’s scenes were, which reminded me of that time I tried to date a boy and I ended up re-thinking my sexuality. Enjoy!

Zuko was fucked. Incredibly fucked. Royally fucked. Indescribably fucked. And nobody seemed to care.

Of course, why would them? Yeah, he had asked Aang to talk with him, since Uncle had suggested to speak about _that_ with someone his age. And, yeah, he said he didn’t mind meeting in Katara’s house. Of course. He basically lived with her, and he didn’t want to be any bother. And it was summer, and there was a swimming pool in the building, so Aang suggested going to swim there. “It’s gonna be empty, nobody but us uses it”. He had lent him a swimsuit and off they went. Of course.

Except for the little detail his mind had forgotten about, that Katara, Aang’s girlfriend, was also Sokka’s sister. And Sokka had access to the pool. And now he was trying to explain his sexuality to Aang, while shirtless Sokka was playing around with his girlfriend.

Zuko had thought many times destiny didn’t like him. That he had done something in a past life to deserve endless pain and frustration on this. And, for a time, he actually believed that was the case. That nobody would ever love him. It was only after extensive therapy, a lifetime of tea with his uncle and befriending Aang that he learned to let it go and understand that there wasn’t anything he had done to bring upon him all those things.

However, looking at how droplets of water ran down Sokka’s skin, he wondered what could have he done for the universe to punish him this way. Just Sokka with his hair down was punishment enough. Had that pony remained as a pony, he would be still dating Mai and thinking himself as completely heterosexual, thank you very much.

But no, the universe needed him talking about his sexuality while having his naked torso in perfect view. Perfect. What could be wrong or cruel about that?

“Whoah, so you are thinking you may not be straight. Cool!”

Of course, his sexual frustration could explode in Aang’s face, and he wouldn’t notice. But Katara was more perceptible and she was sunbathing next to them. So he should try to be as low-key as he could when looking at the other boy.

“Maybe”, he said, trying to keep focused on the grass blades at his feet.

“Well, we all start somewhere. But you already dated Mai, didn’t you? So you have to be bisexual. Or pan. Or”, Aang’s face lighed up, “you could be ace too!”

“But then he doesn’t like girls. Or boys. And he liked Mai”, deadpanned Katara.

“Well, about Mai…”

“Yes?”

Aang looked so happy, Zuko felt bad for feeling so confused. But how you say “I probably dated Mai because I had never dated someone before and I wanted to know how it felt like, but it was horrible because I felt obligated and I just remembered kissing her back and making awkward dates because that was what I was supposed to do, or all those horrible gifts I gave her, and I don’t know how she didn’t feel how much uncomfortable I was with her, although, well, I did need a lot of time to discover that maybe I was not attracted to her as I thought I was, although, when I confessed and she accepted I had almost a panic crisis that I needed to talk with Uncle about, but I thought it was just me being awkward, since, I had been ‘liking her’ for a long time, but maybe it was because I felt obligated and, I don’t know, compulsory heterosexuality, you may want to thank my father for that”?

In the end, he ended up saying all that as fast as he could, breathing only in the end and with his eyes shut.

“Cool”, beamed Aang, in the most Aang behaviour ever. Zuko tried to smile, almost thanking Katara’s shocked face. At least there was more people surprised about the news, not just him.

“So, if girls are out, you may like boys, enbies, or no one?”, said she.

“Yeah”, he said, not entirely sure. “My uncle keeps on saying I’m just gay, but...”

“Yes?”

“I have never liked men? Like, fancied them in a romantic way. I just started thinking about it when I began dating Mai, which… feels wrong?”

He felt so confused and awkward… _Hello, 911, could you please make Earth swallow me before this has to go on? For private reasons, thank you._

But Katara didn’t notice his discomfort, or, at least, decided not to address it directly.

“Well, if you have been raised all your life only seeing straight people, it’s normal thinking you are one of them too. You may have fancied boys, but probably you thought it was just admiration or something like that. It’s hard to think outside the lines.”

“So, you are a lesbian?”

Zuko was even more confused, but Katara shook her head.

“For the record, I’m still straight, or, at least, I like boys”, said she. “Although, I did my questioning for some time and it is still going on. Once you open the box…”

Aang laughed.

“It’s always the same.”

“It happened to you too?”

Zuko’s heart skipped a beat in his heart. He had been right by talking with Aang.

“Nupe. I actually knew that I liked boys, girls, non-binary people… all people. In all senses. Although the sexual one came much later than the romantic.”

“So, you’re bisexual?”

“Nope. Pansexual. It’s like bisexual, but stressing that I don’t mind the gender of the person in any way. And I like it better, since it includes everybody just in the name. You know, pan, all? It feels better, I don’t know man. Freer. Not that gays or lesbians aren’t, it’s that it feels freer for me.”

“Yeah, yeah. But I didn’t know that existed”, mused Zuko.

“Well, now you know”, smiled the other. “I’m pan. Like the ones for cooking.”

The joke was so bad Zuko couldn’t help but laught. However, he had barely started giggling when he was brutally interrupted.

“LIE. THAT’S A MASSIVE FUCKING GIANT LIE. LIEEEEEEE!!”

“Sokka”, yelled Katara, covering her ears. “It’s necessary to wake up the whole neighborhood?”

“But it is a lie?”, answered him, suddenly calm.

Aang pouted.

“But I actually like boys and girls and...”

“No. You like Katara and you have been pinning after her for years. So, no.”

“Dating a girl doesn’t make him straight”, stated Katara, so serious that Zuko feared that a fight between the siblings would be happenning.

“Noooo. He’s not heterosexual, just like he is not homosexual or bisexual. He’s Katarasexual. Because he likes Katara, ha?”

Katara facepalmed, Aang laughed and Suki came from behind to make her boyfriend sit up next to them.

Zuko breathed. If god existed they had to hate him, since, why make him have his gay awakening by a guy with Spongebob pants and terrible puns? Why torture him like that?

“So, you two are both straight too, aren’t you?”, he asked Suki, trying not to sound wounded, or heartbroken or anything, while avoiding to look at Sokka.

“Nupe”, said him anyway, because it seemed that the universe had said fuck Zuko rights after all. “We’re bi.”

“Bi?”

“Yes, bi as in bisexual. And as in biopsy. Although not meaning nature and all those things. More in the two sense. Although, it isn’t exactly two, because…”

“Sokka!”

“What? I’m an engineer, not a linguist!”

Suki seemed angry, but just a moment later, she kissed Sokka’s nose, what made the boy crank the biggest smile in the world.

“And why do you get to be bisexual but I’m Katarasexual? You are in a relationship too!”, complained Aang.

“Yes, but it’s not exclusive.”

Zuko was even more confused.

“We are in an open relationship”, explained Suki. “That means that, even though we are dating and we love each other, I could date other people, and so could Sokka.”

“But, wouldn’t that be cheating?”

“No, because we both agreed to it”, chipped Sokka, beaming. “Although, there are some limits. Like, if I want to start dating someone else, I should tell her. Just because it is open doesn’t mean I get to lie or to cheat.”

“And same with me. We have to communicate and be honest. As long as we do that, we are free to love who we want.”

“Yes”, confirmed Sokka before dropping his head in Suki’s lap, so that she could pet his hair.

Zuko swallowed, trying to understand what the fuck was he feeling after all that.

“Oh”, said Katara, on the meanwhile. “I didn’t knew.”

“Well, it isn’t as if we have actually acted on it. But we had talked about that some time ago.”

“Yeah. My bisexuality is more recent”, laughed Sokka.

Zuko decided that he would solve the mystery about his feelings later. First he wanted to understand Sokka and Suki’s relationship.

“But isn’t it more normal that than...”

“Being in a poly relationship? No”. Sokka sat up. “At least for me, since, I don’t know, I have loved more than one girl at a time. Discovering that I liked boys, on the other hand, was weirder.”

“Fellas, is it gay to stare at your classmates ass while you are in the changing room? Just for science.”

Sokka turned so quickly to face his sister that his neck could have snapped.

“Katara! I told you to keep that secret!”

Zuko was certain Sokka would have started fighting with Katara had Suki not held him back.

“Relax babe. We all have been baby gays.”

Zuko tried not to look at how her arms where perched around his shoulders, or how she was using one of her legs to restrain him.

How did he intend to top that? Suki was beautiful, at least according to social standards of beauty. Not his kind of girl but… he probably was gay anyway, so he had no kind of girls.

“You didn’t have a baby gay stage! A baby het in all case.”

“Okay, let’s call it baby-loving-men-days? It is normal to be awkward. Like, you in that dress were my sexuality crisis.”

“I looked good in that dress.”

“Yes, you did. So fucking good.”

Sokka smiled, completely smitten.

Katara lied down.

“My brother got together with his girlfriend doing drag, but yes, I’m the one dragging him outside of his comfort zone. Is there anything new about you two I should know?”

“That wasn’t drag”, complained Sokka, although, after a little movement of her brow he quickly added “Well, maybe so. But it’s not as if I have been doing that all weekends.”

Katara gave him a look.

“What? It’s fun. You all should try it! Specially you, Zuko. Being dramatic is your specialty, you just have to do it in high heels. Or makeup. Or both. Up to you.”

What the fuck had he done in a past life to deserve this?

“Yeah, Zuko”, shouted Aang, as if he had had seen God himself. “That way you can figure up if you like guys or not. You’re a genius, Sokka!”

“Oh, yes, of course I’m a genius. Although I completely forgot drag is a gay thing.”

“Didn’t you go to a drag party?”

“No, he was being the sexist little shit he used to be and laughed about our heels, so I challenged him to fight me in heels and a dress and… the rest is history. He has never actually made up with a guy doing drag, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I discovered I liked guys after talking a lot with Suki and discovering I had a crush in one. I haven’t gotten any action on that front. Yet.”

“You truly can’t fathom the no-homoness of it all.”

“I’m his sister. Trust me, I do.”

Zuko looked at his feet, as if there was nothing more interesting on earth.

“Anyway, you should all try it. It could be fun!”

“Well, first we should go and eat something. You’ll be hungry after all”.

“Yeah! And you can lend me your heels, Zuko has to see me strutting on them!”

“You could also teach us”, cried Aang, as if there was nothing better to do.

_Please, Sokka, don’t accept…_

“Yeah, the master will teach you his ways.”

Zuko looked at the skies. He should have sticked to talk about his crushes with Uncle.

He was fucked. Incredibly fucked. Royally fucked. Indescribably fucked. And nobody seemed to care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this turned out to be something different to what I had in mind, so I have changed the tags to reflect it. Sorry if anybody feels misled in any way. And, yes, this was supposed to be just two chapters, but this got so long that I decided to cut it and turn it into two. I hope you like it.
> 
> Warning: light self-loathing done by Zuko

Some weeks later, when summer had ended and uni started again, Zuko found Sokka in the library. They had not seen each other since that day in the swimming pool, in which Zuko left early because of what he thought _obvious_ reasons. Accepting you like a boy, knowing he’s taken and thinking him out of your league, learning that he actually could develop feelings for you and is in an open relationship in which he could date you, but he will never do because you are actually boring, worthless and unattractive person who can, in no way compete with the literal goddess of a girlfriend he has… well, it is a lot to take.

Plus, there was no universe in which he was able to keep a poker face in front of Sokka doing drag. Specially if he intended to dance or something like that. And he was enough awkward by himself, there was no need to make it worse, thank you very much. He was just keeping their best interests in mind.

In fact, he had not even gotten over it. Had he known Sokka was there, he would have redescheduled his evening to meet Katara in other moment to help her with her assignment. But, since the universe seemed to truly hate him, now he was in a closed cabin in the library, usually reserved for group jobs, discussing with Katara the technicalities of public healthcare coverage, while Sokka looked at him with puppy eyes from behind a lot of papers with numbers and his own books.

“Inmigration laws can suck my ass. All of you are on stolen land, go cry about illegal immigrants to another person.”

“Katara, I’m with you in that, but that can backfire on the hospital if nobody pays for their care.”

“Because it is made like this! So now we leave people to die, because, duh, freedom.”

“Katara…”

Surprisingly, the two hours of reasoning with a wall of Southern Water Tribe ancestry (aka, Katara) passed more quickly than he thought. And he barely realized that Sokka was there too, after all, he had been too busy trying to navigate what the laws deemed as correct, what Katara deemed as correct, and what he was deemed as correct (whatever it was because he was too confused). However, she ended finishing her paper and being somewhat satisfied after having acknowledged the existence of (completely unjust) laws, but rebating every single one of them.

“Thank you so much, Zuko. I owe you a big one.”

“It’s nothing, Katara. Plus, I had to study better that part of the legislature, so it’s been useful for me too.”

“Anyway, do you want to come to the vegie where Aang is working? I’ll pay.”

“Well, I had plans…”

“Wait, are you both leaving?”

Sokka was still in his corner of the cabin with his books sprayed around him and headphones on, well, now off, since he had realized they were leaving them behind. Zuko felt his face grow hot, as if he was a child caught doing something bad.

“Yes? Are you finished too? You could come to see Aang too”, said Katata.

Sokka looked at his open notebooks, circumspect. He didn’t look at them when he spoke.

“I’d love too, but I still have too much homework to do.”

“Are you sure you can’t finish it before dinner? You could come anyway. Just buy pizza or something to eat, since you dislike vegetarian food. And then you can speak with Zuko at last, so I’ll stop hearing your complains about how he is ignoring you.”

“Does Zuko want to speak with me?”, asked Sokka, too carefully to be a good thing.

“I’m sure. Don’t you, Zuko?”

Zuko felt his lungs deflating, but somewhat nodded. He saw Sokka huff angry at his lack of energy and felt like crying, but Katara didn’t seem to realize anything.

“Perfect, I’m texting Aang that we are going there. Please, don’t take long.”

And with those words, she disappeared through the door. Zuko hesitated for a second, but soon followed her. He would have to face Sokka eventually, but he wasn’t able to do it know.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

He had known Sokka wanted to talk with him. It was his fault that that conversation hadn’t happened sooner. And now the other boy would be angry with him, and it would be fair if he was. Please, he had even been called out for not talking with him. There was no universe in which Sokka was not actively pissed up with him.

“You should talk with him.”

Those had been Suki’s words about the matter when they met in the gym one of the first days after the holidays. They had been training in silence in the beginning, being their pants the only thing that could be heard in the room, but she soon grew bored and tried to strike up a conversation with him.

“This is so empty”, she said while doing her third round of squats. “Some day I have to drag Sokka here to train when this is not filled with people. Like, he complains this is always too full and it’s impossible to keep a machine for yourself more than half an hour, but if he just bothered to get outside bed before ten…”

Zuko didn’t answer. He faked being too much focused with the pulldown machine, which, in no way occupied his mind that way, but it was the best excuse he had at hand.

However, she didn’t mind and continued talking.

“Ugh, like, maybe I should just bait him with finding you? Although, I don’t even know if you usually come. Like, you look disciplined and all, but...”

“I usually come here all mornings to train.”

He was so fucking useless. _Now I’ll have to fake my death and start a new life in Canada or something. Why?_

“Oh, so could I use you to bring him? I can’t stand another day of him trying to train in his bedroom. You know how bad it smells afterwards? It’s horrible!”

Zuko continued silent.

Like, how could he compete with her? She was beautiful in a girly way, with a soft smile and pretty hair; but also had strong muscles and a discipline that could surpass Zuko’s own. She was quick-witted, funny, cool, with more friends that Zuko could ever dream on his lifetime… How was he supposed to get Sokka to notice him if he was dating her?

“Zuko?”

She had stopped her squats and was next to him, concerned.

_Fuck._

“Yeah?”

“Is anything wrong with Sokka?”

“No.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. What should be happening?”

“I don’t know, but he has been weeks wanting to talk with you.”

“Weeks? Yeah, I have been quite busy helping Uncle with the tea shop.”

“So busy you can’t even answer text messages?”

“Yes.”

Suki shook her head.

“Anyway. I think you should talk with him.”

After that, she had walked out.

But, a week and a half later, he hadn’t talked with Sokka. So he was just staring at his vegan sandwich as if cucumber and tomato were going to reveal him the truth about handling interpersonal relationships with a boy you like, but doesn’t like you back. In the background he heard Katara and Aang’s chatter, but could not understand a world of what was happening.

And then, Sokka came.

If he had felt nervous before, the feeling augmented so fucking much that his previous state could be considered as peaceful as  a sleeping well-fed infant  in his mother lap.  He tried to calm himself with deep breaths, like Uncle had taught him, but it was as if his lungs had been pierced and the air wouldn’t remain inside them.

A t first, Sokka didn’t even notice him so much. He high-fived Aang and made a bad pun that angered Katara. He complained about the menus. He put his headphones in his bag, which had a huge boomerang patch. And then he sat in front of Zuko, all his joy and fun suddenly gone. Zuko lowered his gaze, focusing again on the cucumber and tomato.

“Can’t you just act normal, for Tui’s sake?”, complained Katara.

“I’m acting normal!”, said Sokka.

“No, you aren’t.”

“Please, what do you want me to do?”

“That you and Zuko solve your fucking problems like the fucking adults that you too supposedly are?”

“So you two have a problem?”, asked Aang, with his hopeful little annoying voice.

“Nothing deep”, said Sokka.

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

Sokka shot him an angry look at him and started tearing the paper mantel in front of him.

“It truly doesn’t seem like it”, repeated the youngest.

“Well, but it isn’t”, snapped Sokka, standing up so suddenly that he kicked his chair.

Aang took a step back, a little startled, but Katara was ready to fill in.

“Then, why don’t you go and solve it? If it isn’t that deep”, she retorted.

“Well, it takes two to tango or so they say!”

“Your dance partner is here”, replied Katara, waving her hand towards Zuko without even glancing at him. “So, if you may, speak to him now or take it outside, but don’t you dare to misdirect your anger to people who want nothing but help you.”

“Nothing but help you”, mocked her Sokka, but he turned around and, with wide strides, went towards the door. “When my dancing partner is ready, I’ll be in the park”, announced angrily.

Zuko would have liked to ignore that statement, but just by the look Katara gave him he guessed he had little option in that. So he went out.

He felt positively bad. Yes, he had been avoiding Sokka, and was ready to admit that it hadn’t been fair on his part. But he didn’t expect him to be so angry about it? And, what did he intended to tell him? The first texts messages had been memes and regular how-are-yous. When did that turn to… that? Each second that passed made him even more nervous than before.

He found Sokka in the park, pacing next to an old wall full with faded graffiti, positively fuming. However, he didn’t snap at him instantly, as he thought.

“I’m glad you’ve came”, he said, still tense, but cordial.

Zuko nodded as all response, which seemed to stress the other teen even more.

“Okay, let’s keep it short and sweet”, he heard him say. “Easy peasy.”

Zuko saw him breath deeply and, unconsciously, prepared himself for the worst. To be yelled, to be hit. Whatever it was, he would be able to take it.

“I’m sorry.”

_What?_

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I was too loud that day in the pool, maybe I should have been more quiet since, you know, sexuality is confusing and all that. I should have been more respectful of the conversation you were having with Aang.”

_The fuck?_

“It is alright if you are angry with me, but, is there anything that I can do to make ammends or, I don’t know, make you forgive me? I really care about you and I don’t want our friendship to end because I can’t help but make puns.”

“What?”, Zuko managed to say in the end.

“I am sorry for being insensitive while you discussed your sexuality?”

“I… you don’t have to be? That didn’t bother me.”

“You weren’t angry because of that?”

“No. That was standard you.”

“Standard me? I see…"

Zuko smiled nervously. _Please, let this be enough and all that he wanted to talk about._ But no, god liked torturing him too much. Just like his father. Was his father god? If it was, a lot of things in his life could make sense, honestly.

“Does it bother you that I told you I identify as bisexual?”

“The fuck?”

Sokka clicked his tongue, angry.

“Does it bother you that I am bisexual?”

Zuko looked at him, confused.

“Why would I do that? Like, hate you for being bisexual. I’m gay. Too.”

“Exactly?”

“I don’t get you.”

“Please, Zuko, don’t play dumb. I know a lot of people think bisexual people are sluts. Or that we are attention whores who are actually straight but want to feel special and ‘oppressed’ somewhat, because gayness is the only axis of oppression that exists. Oh, and that we are predators who want to have sex with lesbians or something like that. And this comes from both straight AND gay people.”

Z uko looked at him, unsure at what to say.

“Do you actually believe that?”

“No. But I know there are people who do and I know that I am more or less the exact embodiment of all those stereotypes.”

“How?”

Zuko hadn’t meant to say it in a hurting way, but Sokka’s face hardened and he guessed he had fucked up to the highest degree.

“Okay, so, enter me. A guy who has never in his life much as held hands with a boy and has a girlfriend. A guy with quite the slut reputation who derives his self-worth of external approbation so he’s always clowning and trying people to pay attention to him. A guy who, two years ago, was still stuck on the ‘women nurture, men protect’ worldview. And now, a guy who says he’s bi. Like, the only stereotype that I don’t fit is the one about preying on lesbians, and that depends on who you ask, since Suki had never dated a man before me and I know there are girls out there claiming her as their lesbian queen or something like that.”

“And?”

Sokka shook his head. When he talked, his voice couldn’t hide the anger (or was it sadness) beneath.

“Zuko, please. I don’t agree with all that fuckery, but I know that this fuckery exists. And I know that there are gay people who believe that. Does it break my heart the fact that one of those has to be my best friend? Yes, it does. You can bet it fucking does. But I don’t know why the fuck you stopped talking to me after that day in the pool, and I have been all these weeks while you ignored my texts trying to figure it out. So, if it is not the jokes when you were coming out, I’ll guess it has to be this. This is the only thing that explains it and it’s not something dumb like ‘Zuko liked Suki and thinks I’m a lousy boyfriend’. Like, if this is wrong, I’ll guess you never ever considered me your friend. Because I don’t get what else did I do to deserve that.”

Z uko’s breath hitched.

“It is not that”, he said, almost growling, but Sokka didn’t seem to care.

“Then, what?”

“Then, what what?”

“Then why are you angry with me? Why have you been ignoring me for so much time?”

Zuko breathed deep and looked at his shoes. _Here we go_. _Me telling it._ _Now is when I fuck everything further up._

“I am not angry with you,” he started to say, but Sokka cut him before he could continue.

“Then, why you have been ignoring me systematically until my fucking sister forced you to talk with me. Like, please. I’ll be dense and mostly dumb, but not that dumb. There was something there you haven’t told me about.”

“It’s not that Sokka.”

“Then what? Fuck, Zuko, if you don’t care about me, just say it.”

Z uko huffed, starting to get angry too.

“Can you let me talk?”

“Talk, please. I’ve been aching for you to reach this moment. Talk if you fucking will and stop playing dumb.”

“Fucking shut up, Sokka! I don’t have a problem with your jokes, I’m kind of used to them because you sprinkle every social interaction in which you are not angry with them. So, no, there wasn’t any problem with you interrupting what, yes, was a deeply personal conversation with Aang.”

“Great, you see? The baby can talk and actually admit that, yes, it bothered him.”

Z uko had to restrain himself to not slap Sokka. 

“I. haven’t. Said. That. If you listened to me you’d known. And I don’t have neither problem with your bisexuality. Yes, biphobic people exist. I am not one of them. Thank you for thinking so lowly of me, by the way.”

“Oh, incredible. Now illustrate me on why have you been ignoring me. The open relationship with Suki? The drag? I am an evil evil pervert or something like that? What about me repulses you so fucking much that you can’t even look at my face, Zuko?”

Zuko’s heart stopped. He had realized how, despite being taller, Zuko hadn’t looked in any moment at his face, rather focusing on the neck of his T-shirt.

“You don’t repulse me”, said, this time lifting his gaze so that he could see his eyes. However (not surprisingly) Sokka was not satisfied. 

“Then what? Why ignore me that way?”

Fuck patience, fuck mindfulness and fuck every  fucking proverb his Uncle could use to advise him to control his feelings.  His feelings were out and he would come back later to fix everything he was going to fuck up this time.

“I’ve been ignoring you not because I think you are a pervert evil evil bisexual or a fucking travestite. Like, I don’t give a fuck about what you do in bed and you looked hot with Suki’s makeup. I’ve been ignoring you, and don’t you fucking dare interrupt me now, because I discovered I liked boys after realizing that I fucking like you, dipshit, that’s why! But since you have a girlfriend who is a literal goddess, I guess there is no world in which you were going to feel the same towards me, so, excuse me for not being a fucking masochist!”

That said, Zuko pushed Sokka to the side harshly and made his way back to the restaurant to pick his stuff up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everybody for being a disaster and a million thanks for the support. I'm sorry this is a mess.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fucking dumb and I didn't post the whole chapter I had written because copy-paste failed me, so here's the whole thing. Shout-out to @Tsukkisnervousfingers for commenting about it because I wouldn't have noticed otherwise (I accidentally deleted their comment with the whole chapter to re-add it so the people who had subscribed could be notified again, but thank you so much)

Zuko had to be stupid. Like, majorly stupid. Fucking stupid. The stupidest person to ever be stupid on earth. Stupid. If his relationship with Sokka was on a tight rope, after their last meeting he had cut down that rope and let everything they had fall to its death. Why? Because he was stupid.

After that day, he secluded himself in the tiny apartment he shared with Uncle Iroh, saying he was very busy and had a lot of homework to avoid talking with him and end up doing something more stupid. With that same excuse he logged out all his social media and silenced messages of all the Gaang, Katara and Aang included. He saw them fill his

He told himself that, arguably, he was doing the right thing. Uni was extenuating and his grades could use some extra boost, which could help a great deal to his self-esteem. Plus, he had wanted to binge watch some series and had never time to do so. So it wasn’t so bad if he stayed indoors for a while. No matter what Uncle said.

In the end, it ended up being bad. Focusing so much on his grades brought back his toxic perfectionist thoughts, which told him how he would never be loved if he wasn’t good enough and the mark of what was good enough was much of a moving goal. After half a week, he started having nightmares with his father again and flinching when Uncle told him that he had forgotten to wash his dishes.

So he decided to give himself a break, which was another terrible idea. The movies which didn’t remind him of his sister telling him he was “a sissy” for being scared or repulsed (aka gore, horror, true crime…) were all fantasy, sci-fi or plain old comedy, which meant that they had SOKKA written all over them. Just a decision between family trauma and romantic heartbreak under the guise of entertainment.

This period that felt like a hundred years for Zuko lasted more or less five days. After those, he found himself one evening drinking tea next to his uncle, who was trying to coax out of him the whole fiasco.

“It is truly a shame that you aren’t able to hang out with your friends anymore”, had said Iroh way too casually for it to be an accident. “Did something bad happen?”

“No, I’ve just been busy”, lied Zuko.

“What a shame”, mused him. “It is truly unfortunate for a man not to have friends and, for he who has, not to be able to talk with them, Zuko.”

“It is not so bad. I’ve just been busy.”

“But so busy you can’t spare a moment to chat with them over a cup of tea? That is not healthy, nephew. If your workload won’t allow you to see your friends, that means you ought to lighten it.”

“My workload is alright. It is even way too light compared to what Azula…”

“Zuko”, said his uncle with stern voice, “remember that you are not your sister. And remember that neither her nor your father are the mirrors in which you want to see yourself.”

Zuko nodded and breathed deeply, feeling how some weight in his chest disappeared each he exhaled. Iroh looked at him approvingly and grabbed his shoulder reassuringly.

“You have been doing so well, don’t allow yourself to fall in his traps again. You don’t need anything to be worthy of love, respect and safety. Just by the mere act of existing, they are owed to you.”

“Love too?”

“Yes, love too. Although, who loves you is another complicated matter. But, even if nobody did, you have to know it is not a failure of yours. You are loveable and, sooner or later, you will be loved romantically speaking. Don’t doubt that.”

Zuko smiled lightly, stirring the tea with the little spoon.

“I’ll remember it.”

He drank it and the warm liquid seemed to melt his anxiety and nervousness a little more.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes. Thanks uncle.”

“I’m glad”, smiled his uncle, maybe too warmly, moving himself so that he was closer to his nephew.

Zuko looked at him a little bit surprised, but before he could make sense of the ever-growing smile of his uncle, he was trapped.

“So, who’s the lady friend you fancy?”

Zuko blinked, completely confused.

“What?”

“C’mon, nephew, there is no need to be shy. I was also greatly smitten with the ladies when I was your age. I still are very much! So, who is her?”

Zuko looked around him, as if he was prey looking to escape his predator. _Me? Liking a girl? The fuck?_ However, his Uncle continued not minding him in any capacity.

“Is it Katara? Or that girl with whom I set you up the other day? I am truly out of ideas, since she has to be a truly wonderful woman to send you into this state… plus, you broke with Mai, which was a little bit unfortunate, but I’ve heard she’s come out as a lesbian so…”

He saw the old man talking, how his lips moved and the words that he formed, but it was as if his brain had stopped working.

“Of course, I could not know her, but I would appreciate if you brought her around some day. Or, I have an idea! Why don’t you bring her to the Jasmine Dragon one day? I’ll help you make her fall in love with you, just bring her.”

His uncle was sure a confident one.

But, hey, he shouldn’t be surprised. He had seen him hit on almost any woman his age who was in position to be flirted (that means, single or with her husband not in sight). It was truly a pity that the genetic load with shamelessness and charm had avoided him.

“Zuko? Why are you making this face? Don’t you think it’s a wonderful idea?”

“I– ”

“You shouldn’t be so shy, nephew! She can’t be so exclusive to remain indifferent to your multiple charms. Chin up!”

_Multiple?_ If Zuko could have just  _any…_

“Who is her? Katara? I know you will have fallen for her, and I’m not surprised. She’s a really beautiful and accomplished woman. Although…”, his uncle face fell, “Oh, she’s dating Aang. Oh. Truly unfortunate. But I’m sure you will find another pretty girl to date too. My poor nephew.”

He watched his uncle musing to himself and patting him on the back before actually hearing what he said and understanding him.  _Katara?_

“Now I understand why you’ve been like this. Heartbreak isn’t gentle. Although it is neither the end of all hapiness, we should take it back…”

“Uncle…”

“I’ll make something good for dinner. And we’ll find you another girlfriend, don’t doubt it.”

“I don’t actually like Katara. Nor any other girl.”

His uncle lips formed a perfect o, perfectly dumbfounded. _Okay, Zuko, now or never._

“I actually like Sokka.”

“Oh”, said the older man.

“And I’m gay.”

His uncle looked at him surprised and Zuko felt himself falling into the panic.

“I’m sorry, it’s nothing I can help…”

However, before he had finished that sentence, he was engulfed by his uncle’s arms.

“I’m ”

“So you don’t have any problem? I thought that…”

“Your father may think people like you are aberrations of nature or something similar, but I haven’t held those same beliefs for more than a decade, Zuko. You don’t have to be scared and you don’t have to be ashamed.”

“But then, why were you so surprised a moment before?”

“I had you for completely straight! Like, that girlie at the café. And you dated Mai too!”

“Uncle…”

_She’s a whole lesbian._

“But well, after this whole emotional moment, let’s get to work! Piandao has talked me about the boy and he seems a good kid. So go for it!”

Zuko grimaced.

“The thing is that he’s already with Suki. They have an open relationship or something like that.”

His uncle nodded.

“And have you told him how you feel about him?”

“Yes.”

“And what did he answered?”

Zuko focused himself on his hands around the little cup.

“I don’t know. I ran away.”

“I understand. That’s why you have been avoiding his calls since summer?”

“Yes… well, no. I told him I loved him on Friday. Before was just that I learned that he was bisexual and I felt scared to be around him.”

His uncle massaged his shoulders.

“Understandable, although… Zuko, think if, aside of your romantic feelings for him, do you wish to keep him as your friend. It is tough not to be reciprocated and it may be easier for you to just lock yourself away, but, if you wish to continue your friendship, it is not good that you do that.”

“I know. I know”, sighed Zuko. “It’s just… hard. And I don’t think I’m able to look at him in the eyes after telling him… that.”

“Acts of bravery don’t require absence of fear. Just overcoming of it. And you, nephew, are quite a brave man. So I don’t think you will fail.”

“But what if he does reject me and doesn’t want to be around me?”

“Do you truly think he would do that? Or are you just thinking like your father taught you to think?”

Z uko’s hands trembled a little,  but he nodded.

“You are right. He would not do that. And, if he really did that, Katara and Aang would eat him alive because it would be… not nice?”

He looked up to his uncle for approval and the adult smiled.

“Good. If you want to set everything straight, except, of course yourself”, Zuko facepalmed at the bad pun, “you should meet him and have a talk face to face. Text messages are useful most of the time, but physical contact is good when discussing delicate matters, like this one is to you.”

Zuko nodded.

“You’re right. I’ll ask him if he has free time today.”

“Invite him to the tea shop. I’ll make sure your favorite table is free and to give you both privacy. And if he ends up saying something unpleasant, I can arrange some activities for the two of us to make you feel better.”

Zuko nodded again.

“Yeah. I’ll text him.”

Hey, Sokka

How is everything going?

Sorry for ignoring you.

Do you have time this evening?

**Received at 17:34**

After writing those two lines, he launched himself onto his bed, completely tired. Just wording that had been almost hardest than doing a whole essay on the Constitution and the mechanism to change it. And he had not even read he gazillion messages the other boy had previously sent him.

Two hours had passed since his talk with his uncle. He had procrastinated on that making a “he doesn’t love me” box filled with sweets and other self-indulgent material to cry on. He also downloaded two seasons of She-Ra, since he had heard it was a sweet show and he was going to need that sweetness when he was done breaking his friendship with Sokka. And had Sokka not answered, he would have started both. He needed some emotional support quickly.

But no, he was not getting any rest, not on Sokka’s watch.

He is alive!

Shrecksteinmeme.png

Hallelujah

thank god, tui and la

thank even your fucking agni

he answered me!!

peopledancing.gif

**Received at 17:35**

Sokka

**Received at 17:35**

Yeah?

**Received at 17:35**

Stop.

Please

**Received at 17:3** **6**

sorry zuko

I was just happy that you answered

**Received at 17:36**

by the way

did you read all the messages I sent you?

**Received at 17:37**

I…

**Received at 17:38**

No

Sorry

This weekend has been kind of rough

**Received at 17:39**

Oh

nothing wrong

I got drunk one day and sent you a lot

but those are from drunk sokka

and drunk sokka is stupid sokka

so it’s better that you don’t read them

by the way

why the message?

something with your family?

don’t worry, you have to tell me nothing

I got you

where do you want to meet?

**Received at 17:40**

_Why is he so… overly friendly? Be angry with me or something._

Part of Zuko didn’t understand Sokka and probably would never understood him. Had he, no, not him, because he could kick him on the face and Zuko would thank him. But, had Aang ignored him for a whole weekend after almost insulting him, since it was what Sokka believed he had done after the day at the pool, and declaring himself to him… probably he wouldn’t be so friendly. Like, he wouldn’t be in the fit of rage his father would be on just after being ignored but… he wasn’t going to be so excited to help him.

Zukooooo

anybody home?

**Received at 17:45**

Oh, fuck. He had not answered him yet.

At 19:00 in the Jasmine Dragon

I have saved a table for us

so we can talk in peace

**Received at 17:50**

are you going to make me drink hot leaf juice?

can’t we go to a mcdonals or something?🥺🥺

**Received at 17:51**

I already asked my uncle

plus, I would prefer somewhere more private

and you don’t have to drink tea

**Received at 17:53**

like, pick a bagel

or a fucking cookie

whatever

you don’t even have to come

**Received at 17:54**

nah, relax

I was messing with you

**Received at 17:54**

although

if we extend this meeting into a dinner

I wouldn’t complain about eating burgers

**Received at 17:55**

sokka...

**Received at 17:55**

I said nothing

see you in a while

**Received at 17:56**

ok

**Received at 17:51**

Zuko kept staring to the screen some more time until Sokka wasn’t online anymore. He didn’t have a fucking clue about him. And saying he was nervous was an understatement. He just wanted to hide under the covers and sleep for a while. So he did.  With his street clothes too. He was too tired.

His uncle woke him up an hour or so later.

“Zuko! Wake up! Sokka is already waiting for you in the shop!”

In a haze, he straightened his clothes  and vaguely combed his hair with his fingers. He only realized he was actually going to meet Sokka when he saw him though the kitchen door. He was sitting in the little table near a window  to the park . It was Zuko’s  favorite spot  because it was a silent place and the little ducklings in the park could be seen there,  but he couldn’t see them because he was engrossed with his phone.

H e looked so good it made Zuko’s heart twist. He had his hair pulled back and was wearing a white sleeveless t-shirt, which made his beautiful brown skin even more beautiful. If they were going  to talk about how he didn’t love him, there was no universe in which he was getting alive of that date. _No, it’s a meeting. Or a date with a friend. Not anything romantic._

But he definitely didn’t knew what the universe was saving for him. So he walked to the table and greeted him. He asked him what did he wanted to eat, so he could pick it quickly and avoid being interrupted by his uncle. Sokka was a little bit jumpy and couldn’t really choose anything for himself, so he ended up picking a muffin with him alongside a cup of jasmine tea for himself. Luckily, jasmine tea was popular enough to be always in wide demand, so he returned to the table with his tea bag, hot water and sugar, aside of the muffin.

From the other corner of the shop, his uncle smiled at him and made him a not-so-discrete thumbs-up. Zuko smiled nervously and prayed that Sokka didn’t saw that. But he was still on his phone. He left it when Zuko sat back down and gave him his sweet, but he didn’t say anything. He waited until he had finished to prepare his tea, which Zuko didn’t know if to thank or to complain about, since the silence was peaceful, but it ate him inside. However, in the end, he talked.

“So, what you wanted to talk about?”

Zuko’s mouth felt dry.

“Nothing special. Knowing what you’ve been up to. Since I’ve been MIA for quite some time.”

“Yeah. So…”

“You haven’t done anything lately?”

“No, no. of course I’ve been doing things, but I wanted to talk about something with you.”

Zuko swallowed, nervous.

“And what is?”

Sokka nodded and took a deep breath before talking.

“Yeah. So. I hope I don’t bother, but… Zuko”, he smiled nervously. “You… you like me?”

God hated him. It was official. So fucking official. Why not begin with “Hey Zuko, do you want me to start talking about this really complex machine/this rapper I’ve been listening lately/the new Gucci collection?” or “I have this really difficult exam that’s driving me up the wall”. Even “Katara and me fought the other day because we were talking about different strategies to fight climate change/evil business”. Like, literally everything but those three words.

He sighed.

“Yes.”

“But, how?”

“Being gay, Sokka. I thought we had gone through that that they in the pool.”

“Yes, yes, like, I get that you are gay. But how?”

“How the fuck do you want me to like you? Like, I fell in love the first time I saw you? No, the first time I saw you I thought you were a colossal child with a lot of work ahead on controlling your impulses.”

Zuko would have completely punched himself in the face had he been able to do that without concerning Sokka and bringing even more attention to themselves.

“Well, I don’t think I am the worst of us two in that”, pointed him.

Zuko gave him his most unimpressed face, but Sokka basically ignored and took a bite of his cookie.

“This is so good. Plus, after the whole pool affair, I told you I thought you despised me…

“And I told you I I don’t…”

“Don’t interrupt me, Zuko. Like, the issue is that I would expect you to have _standards_ , and all.”

“And I have them?”

Sokka  looked at him and, for the first time, Zuko saw how nervous he truly was. For all his buff and jokes, Sokka was actually an insecure person and this was something he had failed to expect.

“How did I manage to reach them.”

Zuko was a loss at words.  _You met them_ _because you fucking_ _set them?_ _So there is no way for you to worry about that_ _?_

“Do you… feel the same with Suki?”, he said.

“Actually, yes. But we have gone over it several times and I suppose that, if she’s still with me, it’s because she wants to. Like, I don’t think she would continue exposing herself to me if she thought I wasn’t worth the time. So…”

“Then it can’t be so difficult to comprehend that I like you too, isn’t it? Suki likes you, I like you.”

Zuko talked without looking at him, focused on his hands, which were fidgeting with his T-shirt and silver necklace.

“You didn’t read my messages, didn’t you?”

“You told me not to”, answered Zuko, even more nervous.

“Yeah. I did.”

They stayed some time in silence and the anxiety pooling in Zuko’s gut grew more with each second. The ducklings outside swam happily in the pond.

“What did you sent me?”, he asked at last.

“That I loved you too. And that I also discovered that I liked boys because of you. So, a little bit like samesies?”

Zuko’s mouth was wide open.

“What?”

“Okay, maybe love is too strong of a word, but I like you? Like, I find you strikingly handsome, fucking cool and would definitely want to do some activities with you? Like kissing and stuff.”

Zuko closed his mouth at last, but his mind was still completely blank. _I love you, I find you strikingly handsome, I want to do activities with you…_ Those words still resonated on his mind.

Mechanically he drank his tea and saw Sokka  pinch his muffin, disintegrating it more that eating.

“I… sorry. I got my hopes up after you told me that. I have not been able to sleep since then and…” 

Zuko  got back the control of his body and mind at last and, less than ten seconds later, he wished he didn’t.

“But Suki...”

“Suki what? Am I disqualified to date you because I am dating her.”

“No, it’s that...”

“What?”

“No, like”, Zuko’s struggled to put his mind in order. Everything was going too fast. “She’s so cool and so beautiful and makes you so happy...”

“And what?”

“And I’m just me! I can’t compete with her. Like… I can’t”

Sokka gave him quite a puzzled look.

“Don’t were you telling me the same just a moment ago? Like, just like you are gay and fell for me, I am bi and fell for you. We are men who love other men, isn’t it?”

“No”, said Zuko. “Like, one thing is me linking you because you are amazing and hilarius and hot and even though your jokes are terrible I could hear you talk for a thousand years…”

“Thank you man”, muttered Sokka under his breath upon hearing the last part.

“… I’m a hot mess who has panic attacks every five minutes, with anger issues and a big-ass-scar in my fucking face! And right now you are dating Suki who is a beautiful, resourceful, funny, calm-headed incredible woman. Why would you downgrade yourself so hard?”

Sokka looked at him, a little bit overwhelmed.

“Er, first thing first, I feel your self-concept is a little bit warped. Like, you are brilliant, attractive most of the time, cute the rest of it, with abilities out of the human reach… yes, you have quite a temper, but so does Katara, and she’s not unlovable in any aspect!”

“But Suki…”, tried to say Zuko.

“No, stop right now. I don’t mind you are not Suki. Like, I’m already dating her, why would I want to date her clone too? Suki is Suki and you are you. What could you be better than Zuko? For whom do you want me to fall if it is not for you? Like… I did not expected this in any way!”

Zuko opened his mouth to answer, but he had no clue of what to say, except that he felt that he was unworthy of Sokka and he could not possibly be in love with him. However, Sokka didn’t let him wallow too much on his sadness, since he continued.

“I have not been crushing in you for months now for you to say that I would never notice you because I was dating Suki. Like, she’s great and a literal queen, but” he awkwardly signaled at Zuko “have you seen yourself? Please, I’ve gone from ‘straight, thank you very much’ to ‘I’m fucking gay for Zuko’ in the spam of six months. I… you don’t really understand the effect you have on me.”

He swallowed.

“Not much.”

Sokka frowned, angry and Zuko’s stomach turned.

“Fuck it. Can we go outside for a moment? I need a little privacy. Like, more privacy.”

“Ah, yeah. Well, we can go to the park here. There is this back door we have at the kitchen…”

“Let’s go then.”

The good thing of costumer service was that, as long as it was something related to the shop, he could answer automatically without having to think much. The bad think was that almost all costumers knew him and he knew that they would all think that Sokka and him were an item after that.

Nervous was probably and understatement for Zuko, but, once the little door was closed and Sokka grabbed both his hands and looked at him straight in the eye, he knew all that had not been a fraction of what he was experiencing.

“I love you”, he repeated.

He was not joking and Zuko could tell. He was dead serious and a little bit scared even.

“I… love you too.”

After hearing him, he relaxed his mouth in a dumb smile. A dumb Sokka smile. Zuko could watch that until his dying days without getting bored.

“Then, can I kiss you? Like, now that we are not in your uncle’s shop.”

“This is what you wanted privacy for?”

“Uh, yeah? And, does that was a no?”

“No.”

Suddenly, everything became slow and heavy. He drew near Sokka and the other boy closed the gap, covering his lips with his mouth. And the continuous time-space stopped, at least for Zuko. It was as if everything, but Sokka’s hands and lips existed. And when he let go one of his hands to cover his cheek, it was as if his skin had lighted on fire.

Zuko’s arms found a way over Sokka’s shoulders and just slid his palm against his shaved sides, enjoying the texture of strong short hair against his skin. Silently, Zuko thanked god or whatever being looked out for him that he had dated someone first and had had some kisses before Sokka. Had he done that before making out with anyone else, he would have melted or died because of heart failure. It was too much, although, if it was for him, he wouldn’t have broken the kiss under any circumstance.

However, it had to end at some point, although Sokka’s face continued being ridiculously close to his own, his hot breath in his lips. He was smiling.

_Romantic._

“So that’s what it feels to kiss a boy…”, he heard him say in a whisper.

“I suppose so...”

“Yeah.”

Zuko smiled weakly, trying to put his head in order.

“That was hot”, he said, since it was how every part of his being felt.

“Maybe that’s because you are a hothead.”

The pun was so bad that Zuko rolled his eyes, and pulled out of the embrace. The magic was broken. _How did_ _I_ _manage to fall for such a clown?_ , he thought, although despite his dramatic reaction, he wasn’t barely bothered. A bad joke for a good kiss and a confession from Sokka was a good deal with the universe, given their regular relationship.

“C’mon, it was good!”

“No, it wasn’t”

“Please, I have them worse. Wanna hear some? We could have dinner together, Suki gave me all her free coupons in a pizzeria close to here, we could go there. I love Aang and all, but I am not going to have my first date with you in a place with no meat options.”

“Dinner?”

“Yeah. Like it is a crappy first date, but it’s cheap and that pizza is actually good. I don’t know if you have ever been over there, but the pineapple one is just delicious.”

“A date?”

Zuko.exe had probably stopped working long ago. Processing the kiss had been enough.

“Do you dislike the idea? Like, if you don’t want to date or anything, sorry. Like, maybe I misread the whole thing. And, if you don’t want anything serious, we could talk about that too. Or, I don’t know. You actually said you liked me, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And? Do you dislike pizza or anything?”

“No? Well, only the pineapple one.”

“Then, what?”

“Suki?”

“We are poly! And she was the one telling me I actually had a giant sized crush on you, that’s how I found out. Plus, she’ll be happy to stop hearing me complain about everything. So let’s go, I want to catch a good table!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, at last,, a one month later that I intended, THIS MESS IS FINISHED. thank you all for the kudos and general attention, sorry for the bad consistency uploading and general disorder. I hope you liked this and thank you again 💕💕
> 
> EDIT: For a second time, thank you for real for all the love, and I apologize for *awkwardly waves a hand around*


End file.
